


In the Haze of Blessed Clarity

by antiquedreams



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alcohol, Fai smokes The Weed, Hazy poetry under a night sky while high, Kurogane drinks and keeps an eye on him, M/M, Post TRC, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 09:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20444849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiquedreams/pseuds/antiquedreams
Summary: Under a clear night sky, Fai unwinds.Kurogane listens.





	In the Haze of Blessed Clarity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crystalrequiem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalrequiem/gifts).

> I wrote this almost two years ago during breaks at work and haven't gone over it much since, BUT CRYSTAL LIKED IT. So I'm putting it here for her with the great name she gave it.

He hadn't seen the stars this clear in years, centuries. He could practically feel the warmth of the moon glow and it calmed him in ways it never had.

It may have something to do with what he's currently smoking. Something called "Marijuana"? Or as the woman they were staying with called "weed.”

He remembers, distantly, the way she laughed while rolling, what he originally thought was, a rather thick cigarette together. She shook her head and handed it to him, chuckling "It ain't easy to find, even harder to grow too!" 

"Haaaa. The stars are so nice out tonight! I could almost..." Fai reached toward the sky partially blocked by thin wooden slats covering the patio.

"Oi. Has that stuff gone to your head?" Oh, that's right, he wasn't alone; he never was. Kurogane sat to the left of him, leaning back in the patio chair, arms crossed. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten.

Fai sat up, blunt in hand. "Hmmm. Maybe. Everything's a bit hazy. The stars are beautiful tonight." The way the light of the moon highlighted his cheekbones, added detail to his muscular arms... "Are you sure you don't want to try?"

Kurogane seemed to consider for a moment but eventually shook his head and grabbed the glass on the table. "Got a drink. Probably wouldn't mix well."

"If you're sure... Maybe it'd mix just right." Fai emphasised by waggling the blunt. Then his eyebrows. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Just the act made him giggle. Giggle! And settle back in his seat with a feeling of giddiness. It'd been what felt like forever since he felt this way, mind clear but still intact. He'd hardly ever felt this way but with the rush of adrenaline from battle with which was followed by a heavy guilt, but this? He... could get used to this.

With a chuckle, Kurogane took a shot - Fai watched his adam's apple move, he couldn't look away even amid his giggling - and sighed, in what sounded like... content? To Fai. "You should let yourself go more," Kurogane looks almost sullen in his statement.

Fai pauses for a moment, blank and still. He can feel Kurogane watching him, studying him, calculating the ratio of "too much" or "not sober enough for this.” The amount of time it takes for Fai to answer makes Kurogane uneasy, he can tell, but finally Fai says: "I wasn't afforded this kind of freedom. I didn't feel I deserved it. The time.... Never aligned. Possibly? Maybe. Fai was in the tower, then I was alone. Sometimes I feel his presence guiding me, or maybe it's me?"

Then, in a beat, Fai feels silence; he doesn't want to talk or smile, doesn't feel; for a moment, he feels true peace.

It unnerves Kurogane. His lover remains silent.

"I want to say I'm... truly over it, but I know I'm not. This... Will last with me for however long I will physically exist in this realm." for a moment, Fai can't help but find himself entranced by the white lilies planted by the back door, but the words leave his lips as though he's concentrated on the topic at hand. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead by now, by my own hand no matter the cause - I know I don't, well, may not give you the appreciation you deserve but... Thank you for saving me."

When he finally turns towards the ninja, Kurogane looks... confused? Intrigued? Surprised? The proper word has lost itself in the haze of his mind, but he can't find it in himself to care.

"Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you." Fai presses with what he hopes is a sense of finality. The thought had been in his mind longer than Fei Wong Reed's demise, clouding him with doubt on his end of their unspoken promise. It feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, he'd never known for it to be true until now.

A moment is spent in silence. He almost regrets saying anything, can't bring himself to even look at Kurogane. His attention had been drawn back to the lilies until he feels a hand grab his own, cold synthetic pads rubbing his knuckles.

The warm smile he's met with makes his stomach flip; he wants to burn it in his mind forever and barely registers that Kurogane's talking until the pressure on his hand becomes too much - "Are you listening? You don't have to thank me. You're here, that's enough." And when Kurogane's fingers flit over the scars covering the pads of his fingers, he no longer feels dread nor guilt. Fai feels comfortable.

"I'd apologize but you'd get angry." Fai states, finally relaxing back into his chair, responding in kind by rubbing his thumb rhythmically over the top of Kurogane's hand. "And it wouldn't be honest."

Kurogane's pattern stutters for a second, almost taken aback, but apparently finds it in himself to give him a small smile. "Tch." All Fai can translate it to is "you're healing" and he can almost believe it himself.

They while away the time: one drinking; the other smoking, neither letting go. Well, until-

"Kuro-pon, I'm hungry! Do you think she has any cookies?"


End file.
